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Hi and Assalamualaikum,
To be frank,yesterday wasn't the day I was looking forward to. In fact, I've got a mixed feelings about it so I guess maybe to let go of this feeling is to just pour it all out here .

Yesterday, me and my friend went somewhere for a sleep ( yes,somewhere ) and I bring the tripod with me because I've got a class today. The journey took almost 1 hour from Bukit Jalil to our place. And when we arrived, I'm pretty much shocked to see that a tripod equipment ( the camera handler *I call it that*) was missing. I search frantically and I said to her that I'll be going to Bukit Jalil back to grab the handler .

It was hectic since it was an office hour,to make things worst is I forgot to bring my home key and my friend had to ride another train to give the key. In the end, I lost the handler and I need the tripod ASAP .Like literally ASAP.

But it was the eve of independence day, most of the camera shop are closed so what's the other option beside than idk,going to the class with only a camera in my bag and not with the tripod or just ditch the class then. I was thinking to do either one of them. I was tired, helpless and feel idk, I AM SUCK. Yeah that's what I'm feeling right now. I thought if only I didn't messed this up, IF ONLY.IF ONLY.IF ONLY . Those are the words that keep lingering in my mind. I tried not to shed a tear in front of my friend. I'm not the one who'll be frantically rampaged about those stuff. I tried to solve things calmly,at least.

I cried to The Almighty, how I feel incredibly tired. How I feel all of my effort are useless. How Idk,maybe those feeling were mixed up inside my head and right now I just want to escape from those feeling. I don't know man,maybe I just want to ... cry on someone's shoulder. Probably.

This morning, I woke up a bit late and yea I did my morning walk,even though I did want to ditch the class, idk why I didn't. In the end,I did went to the class and surprisingly there's no SUNRISE this morning. It was all cloudy .

I wonder why. It supposed to be sunny actually (based on the weather) but entahla. At that moment, I did feel that God want to console me. Probably because I'll be crying to see one but I ain't capable of capturing em. Probably,who knows.

Somehow, after all those tribulations that I'm going through, I can't help but feeling tired. Extremely TIRED. But I don't feel the satisfaction at all. Probably because I can't help but feeling that I am suck. I'm probably am.

But somehow, I just hope that I'll appreciate myself more. For being a tough being,for not giving up on this . For be able to stay calm. I hope I don't push myself bad enough. Whatever you do,just keep going. You may not be able to do things as you please but you're not bad enough, you are quite good. You'll be good. You just had to had a guts not to push hard on yourself. Please don't

Anyway, was yesterday's adventure,was it worth? IDK Man, I don't feel any sense of satisfaction right now. Nothing comes through my mind. I just hope that HE'll forgive me, for pushing myself too hard and also for asking Him too many questions. I just hope He does.

Anyway, that's it for today. Happy independence day. Celebrate it with modesty.

HanHanan
probably will be strolling along KL . Now who's with me?

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Heyyyy
Okay I've been very very emm tak ikut schedule. Pardon me mann,and sorry for neglecting this blog for awhile after a promise had been made. Yes right now I'm still struggling to manage my time and so on,phewww.

Right now,as I'm writing something for you, my flight will be depart about 3 hours left. This maybe my last flight as a student. I manage to ride the flight is because of my dad, if it's not for him I'd probably ride the bus or even worst,train.

Well,riding both of them would be quite adventurous and I actually kinda digging that but yea, abah's been protective towards me till the end.It's probably because I'm his only daughter he's gonna spoil and yea, because of Ammar's incident. Well I'll talk about that later .

My heart feels kinda heavy nowadays. Idk why but somehow,it does. I feel a bit sad,probably because I'll be 20 soon and I'm not gonna get younger,my parent too but hmm why does it feels kinda empty huh?

I'll be interning soon and yea,probably work insyaAllah if He permits. I'm actually thinking about going to a uni for a degree but hmm, idk if I've got the shot or yea I'll be chosen. Well that's again for another topic lol.

Today's seems mellow than usual. Maybe it's only me but yeah that's how I feel nowadays. Unmotivated is also a yes. I just feel somehow I want to fly high and find myself among those clouds,beach and somewhere I can just feelin myself for awhile.

In my real life, it's a bit hectic and rushing. We all move according to our life very fast,well next week I'm gonna have a presentation and next, I'll be interning somewhere. Pheww, I really need to catch my breath sometimes.

Boarding my last flight, I've been thinking a lot of things. Like getting married,or even moving out of country and such. How those thing would impact my dad. How this last flight would make him feel? I can't help but hoping the best will come for both of us. And in our family.

We'll all will be experiencing our first and last. And somehow I can't help but feel a tad sad for this one.Probably because Idk how things would change,personally I don't. It's not like I'm afraid or something but I'm not feelin confident either with myself. Idk why.

InsyaAllah, I hope He'll ease me . He'll ease me. He'll ease me. You'll ease me ya Rabb. InsyaAllah

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Okay time for #fridaywriteday (sesuka je nama gitu ) ,and I'm sorry for neglecting this blog for tuesday,so to make it up I'll write as loooong as possible (ehyeke) ,well like it or not I'm just gonna write

So, last month ( I guess),there's a dude (someone I know,an acquaintance) said that my emoji is annoying (😌 this emoji k) and yeah that's actually my fav emoji to use ( and STILL ARE ), I was actually confused at that moment and yea I was kinda down at that moment so I'm just sayin' sorry and such and the next thing is I feel REGRET and idk man, thing was just kinda spinning around in my mind until now.

First,why I'm saying sorry , why ? YOU SHOULD'T BE SORRY for NOT YOUR FAULT. Second, he did more that I could take but I try to be a cool girl who just like "okay ,takpe nan takpe " since I don't really like to be sensitive I guess (plus I have MORE ANNOYING DUDE FRIENDS in my college lol so yeaaa).

Saying sorry doesn't mean that you're a loser but you ain't a winner too because it's not your fault, I think I'm not saying that we should put our ego's high but there are times that we shouldn't be sorry and this is one of the reason why. Because you did NOTHING WRONG.

Instead, the only thing I should do is ask him why the heck he thinks my emoji is annoying and if he didn't like it well deal with it.Because I'm not giving you any weird emoji or saying any vulgar word or cuss. I AM NOT.

I don't wanna be a SISSY or whateveryou say about it but man, that sentences just makes me feel like an IDIOT. And I am more IDIOT for not knowing why I'm saying sorry. WHY ? WELL that's the answer I should ask by myself which I know the answer is you probably LAZY to even fight and I AM CONFUSED at that time. Yes I AM CONFUSED. I feel like a girl is saying "I am fat" while she's only 50 kg so what the heck should I answer? Yes you know that feeling k.

So right now , we're not even talking much and sometimes he did have a small chat and I'm replying his message either formally or non emoji in the text because well, idk this dude and plus I don't want to rise another problem (like my emoji is annoying again,maybe I AM ANNOYING lol whatever)

In my problem, there's a moment when you should take a breath,and not replying it for either days or hours,because you need to figure this problem . And what to do about it.Don't be just like me and rambling sorry while I don't even know what to be sorry about.

Second, QUESTION yourself. Before you attack someone or saying he/she is annoying or whatever, ask yourself. ARE YOU AN ANNOYING PERSON,OR ARE YOU NICE ENOUGH TO SAY THAT?. Be professional and don't attack him/her based on your personal preferences,physical and such. IF YOU HATE/LIKE/IDK WHATEVER YOU FEELINGS ARE, KNOW WHY YOU HAVE THAT FEELINGS FOR HIM/HER. Don't just ramble around and makes people confused,being weird or suffer. In my case,I probably overthink a lot. Can't help because Imma girl ( kami ni suka fikir banyak gila lol).

Third, be nice to them. Although he/she makes you feel awkward or in my case, I feel regret,awkward dan macam macam laa. I'm just gonna treat him nice,not because to prove myself I don't care about what he said. But just because I can be better than him. That's it .And maybe idk, just because ( you don't have a reason to do nice to people kan?)

so yeah, that's it I guess.And hopefully you'll be doing fine,well and yeah even better in handling this kind of situation than me . InsyaAllah . Be sorry if you're doing wrong,not when you don't even know why you're saying that S word. And don't be confuse ,be firm on whatever you want to say . BE FIRM

hanhanan

minta minta lepas ni dah tak ingat dah pasal ni,confuse aku

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hang rasa ??

Assalamualaikum and hey a good night to all of you. Masa aku tulis ni,aku dalam keadaan barai pasal esok presentation dan mata aku naik kuyu jadi aku saja tulis dalam bahasa untuk mengelakkan aku merapu masa menulis .

Btw,tajuk tu memang antara soalan hot yang aku selalu dapat. And tbh,aku pun sampai sekarang takleh figure out amende aku buat ni weh. Serious kot,aku rasa macam aku diawang awangan kot. Dah nak masuk 4 tahun still aku was-was tentang bendalah apa aku amik ni.

Nak dijadikan cerita, aku asalnya nak buat vlog tajuk Common Question orang tanya pasal K Academy,tapi pasal aku malaih nak membebel jadi aku decide untuk menulis. Dan jawapan diatas persoalan anda ialah

Aku buat VFX ( sebutan ialah vi ef ex ).

Apa itu VFX? Haaa VFX ni nama melayu dia kesan khas visual. Kadang aku malaih nak sembang panjang aku akan cakap "ala yang buat api muncul tu" padahal buat api dalam 2% je weh, selebihnya aku buat apa pun taktau.

Bila masuk sini,expectation orang of course la aku amik bidang nyanyian dan lakonan. Tapi dia ni tau dak yang suara aku ni off pitch dan lakonan aku kayu. Hareyy betul kalau aku dapat masuk bidang tu. Aku tukar nama aku jadi Hanan Delicious la gitu ( perghh macam nama kedai bakery ).

Kerja VFX ni merangkumi rotoscope,masking,compositing,key framing dan ahh macam macam la.Basically kitorang ni budak belakang tabir je. Nama pun muncul dekat credit dah nak habis je weh. Tapi still bangga la,tanpa kitorang manader kau nampak efek efek marvelous tu.

Kalau sembang VFX ni, antara syarikat filming dekat Malaysia yang famous ialah Viper Studio ,KRU Studio dan Pinewood Iskandar dekat Johor tu. Yang lain ada je cuma biasa biasa la tapi payah woi vfx ni .

Aku rasa kalau kau cakap apa sebenarnya aku buat dekat sini ialah berkemungkinan aku nangis je weh haha.Pasal mengenangkan idea yang tak kunjung tiba,skill yang kelaut dan diri yang sebenarnya tak berapa minat. Tapi life is life,at least aku kena sudahkan benda yang aku dah mula kan?

Jadi,kat atas tu gambar green screen yang aku probably kena tracking,keylight dll lagi la.Kerja nampak mudah tapi kalau hang terror blending memang superb la weh orang ingat betul. Tapi nak jadikan blending macam real tu yang makan masa.Ada masa laptop hang,ada masa blue screen,ada masa black screen tak kesudah pun ada. Ada sekali aku render 3d dalam 5 saat je makan 1 minggu tak tutup laptop last-last minggu depan laptop tu arwah KO weh.LOL laptop pun giveup dengan vfx apatah lagi aku yang hamba Tuhan bukan manusia ni (apa kaitan?)

So konklusinya apa yang hang buat ni nan? jawapanya ialah aku pun still figure it out sampai sekarang. Tapi at least jawapan vfx tu pun dah okay kot. KOT la kan lol.

So anyway,aku kena sambung balik buat offline editing pasal esok aku ada presentation.Doakan aku lulus tak gugup tak nangis insyaAllah

sekian syarahan malam ini

nan

first time berbahasa di sini,selalu berspeaking

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'difficult road lead us to the beautiful destination? well not all :P'

4 years almost passed and this year will mark my last year studying at K’s college. I couldn’t believe it myself when I first started out at this college. I mean, I never parted sooooooo far away from abah,ibu and especially my bro. Usually, we’ll attended the same school for as long as we were born so being separated does makes a lot of difference .

I remember my first ‘mehnah’ ( test ) when I first came to the college. My uncle’s car broke down, my mum couldn’t make it ( she needs to take care of my bro ) and… I missed her a lot !. I had a hard time to adjusted myself with the new routine . To make it worse, I never been to Cyberjaya. I never knew what it was to live there. What it Putrajaya Sentral ? Where can I go and buy my junks? How to go to KLIA and so on .

It took me around 1 year that I can become comfortable going out by myself. Usually, my aunt will accompany me but I thought that it must be hard on her so I decided to be independent…for the first time in my life. Like really, INDEPENDENT .

alone

I learn to go to the KLIA by taking the KLIA express. I learn to ASK PEOPLE when I don’t know certain roads . I learn to buy clothes by myself without having mum to judge or idk maybe compliment me. I learn to accepted that it’s OKAY to be alone. And most of all, I learn to be independent with Allah. Our protector .

I remember that I used to freaked out whenever I get on the wrong bus or station. I remember that I used to almost cried when the lane to check in is sooo freaking long ( and then I baru tahu ada self check in lol ). I remember that I used to be scared of big city, KLIA2 and lots of people ( actually right now I still does but I do a lot of tawakkal to a’la Allah ) .

And it all because whenever I hit a hard road, I always thought that nothing is more difficult than taking care of my bro. Because taking care of him needs a lot of mental and physical strength that I find it exhausting to do so. I’m not lying that until now, mum and me sometimes argue a lot because we’re so damn tired to take care of my bro. I’m not going to fake it and do some inspiration post like “ My brother gives me strength yada yada “. I’m telling you the truth that it’s not OKAY and my brother take away more of my strength than giving it XD. But because of his condition that makes me able to become stronger and able to independent . So he does gives a bit of strength, but also takes a lot from it (give and take aha ).

Next thing is don’t be panic. I remember last 2 night, I called my mum and said “ Ibu, Hanan takdi g Wangsa Maju lepah gi klinik ( Ibu, Hanan goes to Wangsa Maju after went to the clinic ) and my mum was “freeaaaak oooout’ you know. Like “ bertuah anak ibu (my lucky daughter *lol direct translate*) . My mum was freaked out because 1. I never went thaaaat far and 2. I’m going alone . So rest assure nothing happened alhamdulillah although I do get a bit panicked but I always think that I went to this place lillahita’ala so I hope that Allah will protected me InsyaAllah. I tried not to think hard and just ‘redah je la’. BUT before I redah je la,I always checked out that location , I don’t simply redah je la and don’t know where to go okay. I had my own PLAN and I went to that place according to my plan. That way you’ll be less panic and be more confident to explore new places.

Last but not list, Tawakkal to A’la Allah. Whenever you want to hit a new place, you must always remember that Allah is always watching us . Reading ayatul kursi also helps easing our feeling and IA, he’ll ease everything that we want to do. Not only when you want to hit a new place but yeah, basically everything you need to remember that He’s always there. That’s the reason why I get strength to basically be alone in whatever I do and handle tough situation. Although I myself is not a good person and sometimes I do a lot of complaining, but ibu always keeps on reminding me this thus right now, I want to remind you the same thing ibu always remind to me. Is to have FAITH in HIM.

I think that's it. I hope that we all can benefit from this post and IA, become less panic and more chill in handle all kind of situation. IA

Nan

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