She writes: hanhanan x longpost

Okay time for #fridaywriteday (sesuka je nama gitu ) ,and I'm sorry for neglecting this blog for tuesday,so to make it up I'll write as loooong as possible (ehyeke) ,well like it or not I'm just gonna write

So, last month ( I guess),there's a dude (someone I know,an acquaintance) said that my emoji is annoying (😌 this emoji k) and yeah that's actually my fav emoji to use ( and STILL ARE ), I was actually confused at that moment and yea I was kinda down at that moment so I'm just sayin' sorry and such and the next thing is I feel REGRET and idk man, thing was just kinda spinning around in my mind until now.

First,why I'm saying sorry , why ? YOU SHOULD'T BE SORRY for NOT YOUR FAULT. Second, he did more that I could take but I try to be a cool girl who just like "okay ,takpe nan takpe " since I don't really like to be sensitive I guess (plus I have MORE ANNOYING DUDE FRIENDS in my college lol so yeaaa).

Saying sorry doesn't mean that you're a loser but you ain't a winner too because it's not your fault, I think I'm not saying that we should put our ego's high but there are times that we shouldn't be sorry and this is one of the reason why. Because you did NOTHING WRONG.

Instead, the only thing I should do is ask him why the heck he thinks my emoji is annoying and if he didn't like it well deal with it.Because I'm not giving you any weird emoji or saying any vulgar word or cuss. I AM NOT.

I don't wanna be a SISSY or whateveryou say about it but man, that sentences just makes me feel like an IDIOT. And I am more IDIOT for not knowing why I'm saying sorry. WHY ? WELL that's the answer I should ask by myself which I know the answer is you probably LAZY to even fight and I AM CONFUSED at that time. Yes I AM CONFUSED. I feel like a girl is saying "I am fat" while she's only 50 kg so what the heck should I answer? Yes you know that feeling k.

So right now , we're not even talking much and sometimes he did have a small chat and I'm replying his message either formally or non emoji in the text because well, idk this dude and plus I don't want to rise another problem (like my emoji is annoying again,maybe I AM ANNOYING lol whatever)

In my problem, there's a moment when you should take a breath,and not replying it for either days or hours,because you need to figure this problem . And what to do about it.Don't be just like me and rambling sorry while I don't even know what to be sorry about.

Second, QUESTION yourself. Before you attack someone or saying he/she is annoying or whatever, ask yourself. ARE YOU AN ANNOYING PERSON,OR ARE YOU NICE ENOUGH TO SAY THAT?. Be professional and don't attack him/her based on your personal preferences,physical and such. IF YOU HATE/LIKE/IDK WHATEVER YOU FEELINGS ARE, KNOW WHY YOU HAVE THAT FEELINGS FOR HIM/HER. Don't just ramble around and makes people confused,being weird or suffer. In my case,I probably overthink a lot. Can't help because Imma girl ( kami ni suka fikir banyak gila lol).

Third, be nice to them. Although he/she makes you feel awkward or in my case, I feel regret,awkward dan macam macam laa. I'm just gonna treat him nice,not because to prove myself I don't care about what he said. But just because I can be better than him. That's it .And maybe idk, just because ( you don't have a reason to do nice to people kan?)

so yeah, that's it I guess.And hopefully you'll be doing fine,well and yeah even better in handling this kind of situation than me . InsyaAllah . Be sorry if you're doing wrong,not when you don't even know why you're saying that S word. And don't be confuse ,be firm on whatever you want to say . BE FIRM

hanhanan

minta minta lepas ni dah tak ingat dah pasal ni,confuse aku

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'difficult road lead us to the beautiful destination? well not all :P'

4 years almost passed and this year will mark my last year studying at K’s college. I couldn’t believe it myself when I first started out at this college. I mean, I never parted sooooooo far away from abah,ibu and especially my bro. Usually, we’ll attended the same school for as long as we were born so being separated does makes a lot of difference .

I remember my first ‘mehnah’ ( test ) when I first came to the college. My uncle’s car broke down, my mum couldn’t make it ( she needs to take care of my bro ) and… I missed her a lot !. I had a hard time to adjusted myself with the new routine . To make it worse, I never been to Cyberjaya. I never knew what it was to live there. What it Putrajaya Sentral ? Where can I go and buy my junks? How to go to KLIA and so on .

It took me around 1 year that I can become comfortable going out by myself. Usually, my aunt will accompany me but I thought that it must be hard on her so I decided to be independent…for the first time in my life. Like really, INDEPENDENT .

alone

I learn to go to the KLIA by taking the KLIA express. I learn to ASK PEOPLE when I don’t know certain roads . I learn to buy clothes by myself without having mum to judge or idk maybe compliment me. I learn to accepted that it’s OKAY to be alone. And most of all, I learn to be independent with Allah. Our protector .

I remember that I used to freaked out whenever I get on the wrong bus or station. I remember that I used to almost cried when the lane to check in is sooo freaking long ( and then I baru tahu ada self check in lol ). I remember that I used to be scared of big city, KLIA2 and lots of people ( actually right now I still does but I do a lot of tawakkal to a’la Allah ) .

And it all because whenever I hit a hard road, I always thought that nothing is more difficult than taking care of my bro. Because taking care of him needs a lot of mental and physical strength that I find it exhausting to do so. I’m not lying that until now, mum and me sometimes argue a lot because we’re so damn tired to take care of my bro. I’m not going to fake it and do some inspiration post like “ My brother gives me strength yada yada “. I’m telling you the truth that it’s not OKAY and my brother take away more of my strength than giving it XD. But because of his condition that makes me able to become stronger and able to independent . So he does gives a bit of strength, but also takes a lot from it (give and take aha ).

Next thing is don’t be panic. I remember last 2 night, I called my mum and said “ Ibu, Hanan takdi g Wangsa Maju lepah gi klinik ( Ibu, Hanan goes to Wangsa Maju after went to the clinic ) and my mum was “freeaaaak oooout’ you know. Like “ bertuah anak ibu (my lucky daughter *lol direct translate*) . My mum was freaked out because 1. I never went thaaaat far and 2. I’m going alone . So rest assure nothing happened alhamdulillah although I do get a bit panicked but I always think that I went to this place lillahita’ala so I hope that Allah will protected me InsyaAllah. I tried not to think hard and just ‘redah je la’. BUT before I redah je la,I always checked out that location , I don’t simply redah je la and don’t know where to go okay. I had my own PLAN and I went to that place according to my plan. That way you’ll be less panic and be more confident to explore new places.

Last but not list, Tawakkal to A’la Allah. Whenever you want to hit a new place, you must always remember that Allah is always watching us . Reading ayatul kursi also helps easing our feeling and IA, he’ll ease everything that we want to do. Not only when you want to hit a new place but yeah, basically everything you need to remember that He’s always there. That’s the reason why I get strength to basically be alone in whatever I do and handle tough situation. Although I myself is not a good person and sometimes I do a lot of complaining, but ibu always keeps on reminding me this thus right now, I want to remind you the same thing ibu always remind to me. Is to have FAITH in HIM.

I think that's it. I hope that we all can benefit from this post and IA, become less panic and more chill in handle all kind of situation. IA

Nan

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College's holiday is getting near and somehow, I can't wait to have my bro here, in Selangor.

He'll having his therapy at Cheras Rehabilitation Center and I can't wait for him to finally have fun,talk and improving himself.

You know,the past few years was a bleak years for our family. I need to take my bro's position as an eldest child ( and the responsibility came with it too ), I am no longer a big daddy's girl, no longer an adik or whatever you call. I thought myself to think like a sister. His needs is my priority and I have to think of others before myself.

For the first time, Ibu will respond to Ammar's need first before me. It happens many times, whether I'm at home or in a phone call with her. Abah will ask me what Ammar's want first instead of me ( usually food ) and abah always follow Ammar's command. If Ammar want to go to the park,they'll go ,if he doesn't then yeah we'll stay at home,watching Ammar's fav channel.

At first, it was hard for me to adjust ( and I'm still,now) but I told myself that Ammar endure the same thing when he was big brother. I try to comfort myself when mum's said that Ammar needs her and I try to stay strong despite I'm full of tears .

It's weird but yeah, from a childish crybaby HanHanan,I become an independent girl who'll have to face everything alone, by MYSELF.

I can't complain,grunt,angry,or yeah do something beside than being PATIENCE. Because Ammar's condition is worser than me. He can't TALK, he can't MOVE , he's being given the biggest test by HIM. The All Merciful.

I owe him my new self. Because of him, I learn to be patience,to be strong,to be an independent girl, I LEARN EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM.

So for that,here's a drawing of you Ammar. I can't draw you so I ask my friend to do this. I hope that this picture will remind you your old self. How you're such a good looking Ammar that everyone use to like ( and annoy by your annoying behavior ), this drawing will motivate and strengthen yourself to become better than your old self.Because dude,you're an awesome one. You just have to be confident in whatever you do man!

* aku bayo kot, kalau tak suka refund 2x ganda ehhh *

HanHanan

your adik,forever and always lah

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