4 years almost passed and this year will mark my last year studying at K’s college. I couldn’t believe it myself when I first started out at this college. I mean, I never parted sooooooo far away from abah,ibu and especially my bro. Usually, we’ll attended the same school for as long as we were born so being separated does makes  a lot of difference .

I remember my first ‘mehnah’ ( test ) when I first came to the college. My uncle’s car broke down, my mum couldn’t make it ( she needs to take care of my bro ) and… I missed her a lot !. I had a hard time to adjusted myself with the new routine . To make it worse, I never been to Cyberjaya. I never knew what it was to live there. What it Putrajaya Sentral ? Where can I go and buy my junks? How to go to KLIA and so on .

               It took me around 1 year that I can become comfortable going out by myself. Usually, my aunt will accompany me but I thought that it must be hard on her so I decided to be independent…for the first time in my life. Like really, INDEPENDENT .

               I learn to go to the KLIA by taking the KLIA express. I learn to ASK PEOPLE when I don’t know certain roads . I learn to buy clothes by myself without having mum to judge or idk maybe compliment me. I learn to accepted that it’s OKAY to be alone. And most of all, I learn to be independent with Allah. Our protector .

               I remember that I used to freaked out whenever I get on the wrong bus or station. I remember that I used to almost cried when the lane to check in is sooo freaking long ( and then I baru tahu ada self check in lol ). I remember that I used to be scared of big city, KLIA2 and lots of people ( actually right now I still does but I do a lot of tawakkal to a’la Allah ) .

               And it all because whenever I hit a hard road, I always thought that nothing is more difficult than taking care of my bro. Because taking care of him needs a lot of mental and physical strength that I find it exhausting to do so. I’m not lying that until now, mum and me sometimes argue a  lot because we’re so damn tired to take care of my bro. I’m not going to fake it and do some inspiration post like “ My brother gives me strength yada yada “. I’m telling you the truth that it’s not OKAY and my brother take away more of my strength than giving it XD. But because of his  condition that makes me able to become stronger and able to independent . So he does gives a bit of strength, but also takes a lot from it (give and take aha ).

               Next thing is don’t be panic.  I remember last 2 night, I called my mum and said “ Ibu, Hanan takdi g Wangsa Maju lepah gi klinik ( Ibu, Hanan goes to Wangsa Maju after went to the clinic ) and my mum was “freeaaaak oooout’ you know. Like “ bertuah anak ibu (my lucky daughter *lol direct translate*) . My mum was freaked out because 1. I never went thaaaat far and 2. I’m going alone . So rest assure nothing happened alhamdulillah although I do get a bit panicked but I always think that I went to this place lillahita’ala so I hope that Allah will protected me InsyaAllah. I tried not to think hard and just ‘redah je la’. BUT before I redah je la,I always checked out that location , I don’t simply redah je la and don’t know where to go okay. I had my own PLAN and I went to that place according to my plan. That way you’ll be less panic and be more confident to explore new places.

               Last but not list, Tawakkal to A’la Allah. Whenever you want to hit a new place, you must always remember that Allah is always watching us . Reading ayatul kursi also helps easing our feeling and IA, he’ll ease everything that we want to do. Not only when you want to hit a new place but yeah, basically everything you need to remember that He’s always there. That’s the reason why I get strength to basically be alone in whatever I do and handle tough situation. Although I myself is not a good person and sometimes I do a lot of complaining, but ibu always keeps on reminding me this thus right now, I want to remind you the same thing ibu always remind to me. Is to have FAITH in HIM.

I think that's it. I hope that we all can benefit from this post and IA, become less panic and more chill in handle all kind of situation. IA 

Nan