Hi and Assalamualaikum guys....wow!
Lol yeah, that's my first word for my title :P. Still can't believe I'm 21 (unofficially)

I start writing when I'm 19 and stop for more than a year. Now.... here I am? lol I don't even know why I'm here (I just wanted to :P)

So I did graduate, being jobless for 8 months and still have no clue on what to do in my life.

Tbh, I thought I figure everything out, but funnily you don't. I didn't get the job that I wanted, now stuck at home with my brother,ibu and abah which is not a bad thing tbh.

During my first month after the internship, I don't have damn care about whatever I wanna do. I mean, my mental health was the worst at that time. I really hate everything, about to sell my camera and such. But hey, I didn't sell the camera so (phew)

The second to the fifth month, I get a bit anxious and constantly worrying about jobs. I mean hey, you've been jobless for soo long, what the heck did u do for ur life Han? That's what I'm thinking about myself. I mean yeah, I did send the job resume but all of them were being rejected, I feel a constant feeling of "WTH are u Han?" fully because at least I see my friend are advancing in their career and life and I'm still stuck. Back to square one.

On November, I had a chance to travel alone. Oh well, it's only inside the country but still a huge achievement for me. I feel better, I didn't try to push myself as the previous. I try to be better, oh well I still am trying.

So December has long gone and now we're back to January. Tbh I didn't even know what to expect, I somehow feel like nothing. I FEEL LIKE I AM REALLY NOTHING.

Stuck at home, cooking, sometimes help ibu to help my brother. Although ibu somehow feelings grateful I'm at home but.... I don't know.

I     don't      know


I feel I probably should continue writing. And I miss having a passion for vlog. I thought about making a channel about myself. Oh, at least I want to be focus and consistent on both of this and spend my time being here. I hope I'll be able to do this. And I guess since I'm a jobless bum, I'll write almost everyday lol. I'll try.

Btw the title somehow feels unmatched with the content. The title should be "How my 2019 in one long hella post" but hey, whatever floats your boat, Han.

and a text for my 21 years old me,

Jaga diri...K :)

x
Han