She writes

Hi and Assalamualaikum,
To be frank,yesterday wasn't the day I was looking forward to. In fact, I've got a mixed feelings about it so I guess maybe to let go of this feeling is to just pour it all out here .

Yesterday, me and my friend went somewhere for a sleep ( yes,somewhere ) and I  bring the tripod with me because I've got a class today. The journey took almost 1 hour from Bukit Jalil to our place. And when we arrived, I'm pretty much shocked to see that a tripod equipment ( the camera handler *I call it that*) was missing. I search frantically and I said to her that I'll be going to Bukit Jalil back to grab the handler .

It was hectic since it was an office hour,to make things worst is I forgot to bring my home key and my friend had to ride another train to give the key. In the end, I lost the handler and I need the tripod ASAP .Like literally ASAP.

But it was the eve of independence day, most of the camera shop are closed so what's the other option beside than idk,going to the class with only a camera in my bag and not with the tripod or just ditch the class then. I was thinking to do either one of them. I was tired, helpless and feel idk, I AM SUCK. Yeah that's what I'm feeling right now. I thought if only I didn't messed this up, IF ONLY.IF ONLY.IF ONLY . Those are the words that keep lingering in my mind. I tried not to shed a tear in front of my friend. I'm not the one who'll be frantically rampaged about those stuff. I tried to solve things calmly,at least.

I cried to The Almighty, how I feel incredibly tired. How I feel all of my effort are useless. How Idk,maybe those feeling were mixed up inside my head and right now I just want to escape from those feeling. I don't know man,maybe I just want to ... cry on someone's shoulder. Probably.

This morning, I woke up a bit late and yea I did my morning walk,even though I did want to ditch the class, idk why I didn't. In the end,I did went to the class and surprisingly there's no SUNRISE this morning. It was all cloudy .

I wonder why. It supposed to be sunny actually (based on the weather) but entahla. At that moment, I did feel that God want to console me. Probably because I'll be crying to see one but I ain't capable of capturing em. Probably,who knows.

Somehow, after all those tribulations that I'm going through, I can't help but feeling tired. Extremely TIRED. But I don't feel the satisfaction at all. Probably because I can't help but feeling that I am suck. I'm probably am.

But somehow, I just hope that I'll appreciate myself more. For being a tough being,for not giving up on this . For be able to stay calm. I hope I don't push myself bad enough. Whatever you do,just keep going. You may not be able to do things as you please but you're not bad enough, you are quite good. You'll be good. You just had to had a guts not to push hard on yourself. Please don't

Anyway, was yesterday's adventure,was it worth? IDK Man, I don't feel any sense of satisfaction right now. Nothing comes through my mind. I just hope that HE'll forgive me, for pushing myself too hard and also for asking Him too many questions. I just hope He does.

Anyway, that's it for today. Happy independence day. Celebrate it with modesty.

HanHanan
probably will be strolling along KL . Now who's with me?

 Nowadays, a lot of my reasons for doing something is " Just because". When people ask me why,that's when I can't say more because I didn't even know why the heck I'm doing it.

For instance, last sunday I went to volunteered for Our True Color,despite that the journey took me 2 hours, despite that I'm having a lot of works, despite that I'm damn lazy at that moment, despite that I am tired because before that, I had to interviewed some awesome person . Despite all those reasons.

My heart still persuade me to go, I still wear my shoes while actually I'm really sleepy. And it cost me more than MYR 10 to go,but .... entahla.

Somehow,the more older we are I see that we tend to find reason in whatever we do. And somehow,we'll decline in doing things that doesn't give us benefit to. We tend to find thing that we will get what we give.

In doing so,we feel less joy,and more on finding profit to ourselves. We feel that everything requires money, having a lot of cables and stuff. We see the world as a place to gain profit and everything else is just a gamble for us. All or nothing.

If you're feeling so, I guess you have to start finding yourself all over again. You had to start all over again, by not thinking why you should do all this stuff. By doing things just because you can,sometimes just because is enough.

You don't have to find some concrete or definite answer to do all those things. Just let your heart take you,and your steps will follow your heart. You just had to do it,just because.

Just because you can

Then that's all that matters.

I hope that we'll be able to throw away the reasons ,the benefit or profit from doing such things.

And start with "Just because".

We don't have to find a lot of reasons to do something.
Because sometimes,all it takes was a heart to lead,and a step to follow

and you'll be good in your own way ( with His permission,insyaAllah )

and may our day be good,just because :)

hanhanan
just because,entahlaa ( my usual answer nowadays)

Okay time for #fridaywriteday (sesuka je nama gitu ) ,and I'm sorry for neglecting this blog for tuesday,so to make it up I'll write as loooong as possible (ehyeke) ,well like it or not I'm just gonna write

Right now, I'm currently hear a song entitled Demon by Imagine Dragon. And as I am listen to it, I can't help but being stuck into one of their verse which is


It's where my demons hide

I keep thinking about that one verse and as I ponder into it, I keep thinking about my own 'demon'. Well, we all have a demon in ourselves right? So how can you maintain it from be known to others? How can one hide their demon? How?

I used to have a demon that I kept it tight. And one day, that demon broke the 'place' where I kept it hidden. I remember at that moment, I know that I'm not Hanan that people used to know. Even I myself don't recognize myself. I probably hallucinated myself,thinking that I am the 'real' Hanan while in fact, I am not.

I am a demon. And that demon is myself.

I struggled to fight with myself. Day by day it's all or nothing . I keep being a demon until one day,people manage to kept hold of me,and that moment turns me into the new me. They manage to kept the demon shut, and at that time I am so lost. I lost

That feeling of lost makes me completely turns into Him. And  yeah, with His guidance, I manage to turn myself into a better me. Not a new me. A better me.

And that demon? Well it's still there. Waiting for the day to escape from its 'room' again. And I know,sometimes I lose my battle with my it,but most of the time I win. I manage to control the demon. I manage to control it from making people hurts,making mum's cry,making dad's about to lose control

And from making myself an uncontrollable demon. That kind of demon who'll turn myself into not whom I suppose to be.

So yeah, let me know if you had a 'demon'in yourself ( which I know we all have ) and how you manage to keep it hidden or at least,not being able to lose your control over it.

hanhanan
a human .

Hi and Assalamualaikum. Jumaah mubarak peeps

So today it's not gonna be a review or just some confession . I just want to inform to everyone that I'll be ranting through blog again rather than Facebook. The first and foremost reason is because I want to build a career through membebel ( ranting k ranting ) and one of my 'guru' suggest that if I want to be serious about making a career, I need a professional platform that my future client can see and even I can make a profit through it.

Secondly, well I don't really know why but nowadays, I really like to write a really long post at Facebook ,or maybe ranting to be telling you the truth. But rest assure, I don't membawang or gossiping. I just like to give my opinion and yeah,having a so called professional discussion there and I hope that I can continue you to rant through my blog.

To brief you a bit, I like to talk about my journey ( selalunya solo ) , writing or expressing thoughts through poem,book review , or even some general knowledge about photography . NO politic,artist segment or even some weird topics. Oh yea,sometimes I like to reminiscent my old memories and talk about my past.

I'll try to make time to post twice every week ( Friday and Tuesday ). Why that date? Because Friday is the time I am mostly free and Tuesday because,I just like Tuesday no specific reason. And how about the time? Well I'm not gonna talk about time right now because I'm experimenting through the time right now. I'm still figuring out when or what is the best time so yeah .

So I guess,that's it (?). Aha,in case you didn't know how Han Hanan's look for 2019,well here it is

Assalamualaikum, first and foremost this is my personal review about him and what I see him through his book and not being his friend and such.

Btw , I known this man since I was 11. At that time,I am still a girl who's into book and stuff. The rainbow troops was one of my earliest indonesian book and maan,little did I know that this book could change my entire life about life itself.

I could say that Andrea was a gifted person,and  I know that in life that we will have our ups and downs but reading his book is life his always been on the downs. He's living his life like idk,the lowest of the lowest. That's the only way I could describe himself.

Now, he's a winner for New York Book festival and his book sold out for a couple of million times ( inc the pirated ver ).  His film have been watch a couple of million times and now, he owns his own museum in his hometown,Belitong. How a book could make such an impact on a person like himself.

I didn't really know him, but how he talks through his books always fascinate me. He's not a poetry student but he can makes people cry and laugh with his own way of word.And magically , I could say that I'm in love with his books. How he makes me cry and laugh, how being poverty doesn't stop you for being whatever you want as long as you hustle through those thing with a strong heart and a damn hella lot of patience. How being Andrea actually is not easy , I myself think that I might not survive in his world . That shows how he lives his life sooo hard that I think his overnight success with The rainbow troops was really meant for him. He deserve all those success after what he went through in his life.

So yeah ,I think that's it . I know that he maybe heard this a lot of times but I can't stop myself from talking about him since right now he's all in my head ( blame it on KLIBF haha ). So if you have any other thoughts about him,you can share with me and let's agree to disagree

Han Hanan
nerd nerd nerd

Assalamualaikum and hello there world
*hanhanan dah kenapa :P*

So this morning,aku baru setel edit video untuk KL Biennale so why not I share it with you guys. And kelainan aku buat ialah aku tak banyak gambar kot pasal aku malaihhh and nak test la kalau-kalau aku ni ada bakat ke tak :P ( which is obvs aku kena improve pasal aku tak dak shot yang best )

Last week aku pi KL Biennale iaitu salah satu art exhibition di Balai Seni Negara . Mulanya nak p hat Petronas tapi sebab aku tak confident nak p KLCC sorang-sorang so aku ditch that idea and instead aku p KL Biennale la.

KL Biennale ni secara ringkasnya dia ada 5 genre arts (?) iaitu manusia,spiritual,haiwan,warisan and satu lagi aku tak ingat . Aku of course bukan dak dak melukih ka apa tapi kat situ bukan ada melukih ja kot. Ada photography exhibition juga,abstract art . Dia ni random la pasal art ni subjective. Lukisan adik hang yang satu family tak faham pun boleh jadi art.

Dan aku tahu,selalunya aku speak english but I choose to do manglish because idk, maybe pasal aku rasa orang english boleh faham through my video rather than the talk (?). Plus aku taktau nak describe in english .


Kat luar balai negara ada PCLO Cafe kalau ada nak minum-minum santai dan ada bas yang jual cenderamata BSN :P ( Balai Seni Negara k )

Pameran ni sampai 31 hb so kalau korang ada masa memang aku mengalu-alukan la korang pergi sana,cari ilham buat FYP,and manatau nanti arts korang jadi pameran gak.

Pameran ni ambil masa dalam 2 jam setengah gak nak habis tawaf semua kawasan. Kalau yang jenis meneliti semua tu maybe lebih pasal aku tengok yang mana aku berkenan ja macam dalam video aku tunjuk nanti dekat penghujung.

Aku rasa facilities dia pun best sebab ada lift kalau korang penat men tawaf. Ada tandas cuma surau je la slack sebab surau dia jauuuuh dekat pejabat pentadbiran tak silap. Dan diorang ada servis lokar percuma kalau korang bawa emas ke berlian ke ( ko nak buka kedai ke eh ehh ). Dan jangan lupa bawa air pasal nanti korang letih gila mentawaf . Tapi bagi aku berbaloi bagi pencinta seni pasal arts yang display bagi aku bertaraf antarabangsa boh. Dah tu sebab nama dia Biennale.

Biennale :, Italian for "biennial" or "every other year", is any event that happens every two years. It is most commonly used within the art world to describe large-scale international contemporary art exhibitions.]


Haa itu je kot,kalau tak faham faham juga boleh la pergi exhibition tu and check sendiri :D.K Assalamualaikum

HanHanan
dia pergi pasal nak cari idea fyp je pun :P

Salam alaik,
k I know that I've been neglecting this bored blog but hey what to expect? She only writes when she's bored :P

So last week is my bro's birthday and I didn't get a chance to wish him publicly :P so yeah what a way to wish him here I guess. Plus he should be happy he get a chance to be featured in my blog :P

So Ammar's turned 20 on 18th January so there's not much *ehem yeke* so to Ammar,I'll be sending you visual picture that describe what I want to say to you k :D.

Being 18 was the most difficult phase I've ever been. Sometimes,I would listen to some kpop song and sometimes I prefer some indie band over a loud beats.

I also struggle with finding and searching the meaning of true happiness. I mean,what's the point of being rich and fab if you didn't find what you're looking for. And that's: true happiness.

At first,I thought being happy requires me to have a lots of friends. Suddenly I realized,then I must be unhappy because I don't have a large group of friends. But I thought to myself " But I feel full and not empty,why? I don't have lots of friends though "hmmm....

This is  when I start to find happiness in friend. I think that if I don't talk to friend at least once a day,I am not happy. I start defining my own happiness based on my relationship with friends.

And that's the worst mistake I've ever done in my 18 ( or maybe in my teen days )

But yeah, I started to get back on my track,knowing what's my purpose of life and happiness. In the end,I found what I want. Alhamdulillah *praise be to Allah*. Although I'm not fully feel full or idk,okay? ,at least I feel some kind of idk calm and yeah, I am myself again.

You know,you started to be yourself when you didn't depend on others for your happiness. And that's what I mostly do to myself right now and hopefully in my next life too * if there is a next life :P *.

I hang out less with people,and more with camera. I take joy in every time I click that shutter,and feel that kind of awesomeness and cool when my picture turns out to be better (?) and good  and if it's not, I'll come back again and again to try to take that shots until I feel like " Yesss I got this shot".

I feel joy when people comment and also critique my photos. I feel thrill when I'm thinking that I'm gonna be on the next adventure. I feel...ME (?).

So for the one who's still searching for happiness or something similar, find it in yourself. Search for it deeply and yes, ask HIM. Ask Allah for eternal happiness. Because that's what we as a muslim need to have . ETERNAL HAPPINESS.

Some scholar said " If you want eternal happiness,you also must be strong to face some tribulation,sweat,blood or even tears." and I hope you guys can face all of those tribulations,problems and possibly your fear into finding your happiness.

I may found mine,but I know it's not temporary. Although it's not,at least I found reasons to live,or reasons to be happy. Which is to be grateful for small things that happen :).

So yeah,that's it. I hope that the people who'll be watching this would found what you're looking for. Although it might takes some time,but please don't feel despair . For we belong to Him and to Him we will return.

HanHanan
I may not be the happiest person you've ever known but still,I'm grateful for small things that He give :)

Terkadang aku melihat pada skala yang lebih besar padahal jawapanya mudah dan simple :). Mungkin ada perkara aku harus berehat sebentar dan pandang ke bawah. Kerna terkadang jawapan itu hanya berada dekat padaku,tetapi atas kesedaran aku untuk melihat atau tidak.

Untuk lelaki itu, ini hanya pendapat aku bahawa aku tidak merasakan kau seorang yang pemalu :). Terserah untuk menerima atau tidak.

Kerana akhirnya, kau-kau,aku-aku :).

Dan tahniah kerana membuat seorang hanhanan berfikir . Jarang ada orang boleh buat aku berfikir sedalam ini :).

dan ya,apa pendapat aku tentang lelaki pemalu? Well,hmmm

Lelaki pemalu itu seperti kamu,ya kamu yang teramat malu untuk mengakui diri kamu itu seorang yang pemalu. Yang malu denganNya. Menjaga dirimu denganNya agar kamu tidak akan malu kelak di sana :).

Okay, post aku kali ni agak a bit idk, tapi aku perasan yang aku guna almost 98% bahasa haha. Maybe sebab aku rasa post ni sesuai aku bahaskan dalam bahasa melayu :)..

Apapun,terima kasih kerana membaca. Moga kita boleh menjadi seorang yang pemalu. Pemalu bertempat :D

HanHanan
she talks a lot ehhh

Hey guys and Assalamualaikum !. It's been quite awhile since I talk with you guys. Hey don't blame me, I'm not that bored. Read the caption k :P.

So baru je satni,ehh yesterday I visited the factory for photography purpose. Just to inform you guys, I'm an amateur photographer and I like to take photos when I'm bored ( besides than writing ).

So malay/english? k fine I do both.

Before I went to take photos, I did came on Sunday to inform the owner ( or we call tokey ) Mr Tan that I will be visiting the factory for photography purpose. At first he said that the match's machine is currently not functioning. Well that was one damn sad news.

Eh ehh ... sabar dulu k.

The day before yesterday,he informed me that the machine had been repaired. Oh yeahh that's what I wanna hear guys . So I set the date and so on and yeah yesterday,  I went there...ALONE ( like usual lah ).

I arrived there quite late, at 10.30 am ( blame the traffic guys ) and Mr Tan introduced me to Encik Mahmood,the one who will be explaining stuffs and be my 'tour' guide inside the factory.