She writes: hanhanan

'difficult road lead us to the beautiful destination? well not all :P'

4 years almost passed and this year will mark my last year studying at K’s college. I couldn’t believe it myself when I first started out at this college. I mean, I never parted sooooooo far away from abah,ibu and especially my bro. Usually, we’ll attended the same school for as long as we were born so being separated does makes a lot of difference .

I remember my first ‘mehnah’ ( test ) when I first came to the college. My uncle’s car broke down, my mum couldn’t make it ( she needs to take care of my bro ) and… I missed her a lot !. I had a hard time to adjusted myself with the new routine . To make it worse, I never been to Cyberjaya. I never knew what it was to live there. What it Putrajaya Sentral ? Where can I go and buy my junks? How to go to KLIA and so on .

It took me around 1 year that I can become comfortable going out by myself. Usually, my aunt will accompany me but I thought that it must be hard on her so I decided to be independent…for the first time in my life. Like really, INDEPENDENT .

alone

I learn to go to the KLIA by taking the KLIA express. I learn to ASK PEOPLE when I don’t know certain roads . I learn to buy clothes by myself without having mum to judge or idk maybe compliment me. I learn to accepted that it’s OKAY to be alone. And most of all, I learn to be independent with Allah. Our protector .

I remember that I used to freaked out whenever I get on the wrong bus or station. I remember that I used to almost cried when the lane to check in is sooo freaking long ( and then I baru tahu ada self check in lol ). I remember that I used to be scared of big city, KLIA2 and lots of people ( actually right now I still does but I do a lot of tawakkal to a’la Allah ) .

And it all because whenever I hit a hard road, I always thought that nothing is more difficult than taking care of my bro. Because taking care of him needs a lot of mental and physical strength that I find it exhausting to do so. I’m not lying that until now, mum and me sometimes argue a lot because we’re so damn tired to take care of my bro. I’m not going to fake it and do some inspiration post like “ My brother gives me strength yada yada “. I’m telling you the truth that it’s not OKAY and my brother take away more of my strength than giving it XD. But because of his condition that makes me able to become stronger and able to independent . So he does gives a bit of strength, but also takes a lot from it (give and take aha ).

Next thing is don’t be panic. I remember last 2 night, I called my mum and said “ Ibu, Hanan takdi g Wangsa Maju lepah gi klinik ( Ibu, Hanan goes to Wangsa Maju after went to the clinic ) and my mum was “freeaaaak oooout’ you know. Like “ bertuah anak ibu (my lucky daughter *lol direct translate*) . My mum was freaked out because 1. I never went thaaaat far and 2. I’m going alone . So rest assure nothing happened alhamdulillah although I do get a bit panicked but I always think that I went to this place lillahita’ala so I hope that Allah will protected me InsyaAllah. I tried not to think hard and just ‘redah je la’. BUT before I redah je la,I always checked out that location , I don’t simply redah je la and don’t know where to go okay. I had my own PLAN and I went to that place according to my plan. That way you’ll be less panic and be more confident to explore new places.

Last but not list, Tawakkal to A’la Allah. Whenever you want to hit a new place, you must always remember that Allah is always watching us . Reading ayatul kursi also helps easing our feeling and IA, he’ll ease everything that we want to do. Not only when you want to hit a new place but yeah, basically everything you need to remember that He’s always there. That’s the reason why I get strength to basically be alone in whatever I do and handle tough situation. Although I myself is not a good person and sometimes I do a lot of complaining, but ibu always keeps on reminding me this thus right now, I want to remind you the same thing ibu always remind to me. Is to have FAITH in HIM.

I think that's it. I hope that we all can benefit from this post and IA, become less panic and more chill in handle all kind of situation. IA

Nan

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Didn't know this is her at such a young age

Assalamualaikum ,

Well it's kinda a really looong time for me to write and such. I've got bunch of things to take care of since I'm at the end of this semester .

You know, I used to be a depressionist ( is that even a term?) . Well the good things is that I don't need med but yeah it's kinda hard to control a bit. You know like somehow you think you're a loser and the next thing is that you're being hyped up about something ?

I feel it. YES I DO.

And I don't feel ashamed or such to talk about this because in reality it's happening in this society and it's not a bad thing. It's not.

What's the difference between us and them >

Well idk man but maybe because we bottle up our feelings . We think that no one likes us for once and idk man.. It's hard to say

Like I can be poetic at one time and be a freak or idk man. It's still blur to me what's the difference between normal and being a depressionist . But I can say that it's reaaally different from what you think.

You might say " Alah,ni kes tak dekat dengan Allah ni" and such religious stuffs. LOL How funny.

You never know us or our deeds but your mouth talks louder than your action.

What's your action? MOCK? TALK?LAUGH? Well it's up to you. I don't care cause it doesn't matter much..The one who's having it is me and you're all talks .

And being depressionist, i put a status and the next thing is that I delete it. Now it's being indecisive hanhanan not depressionist ( I know but heyy.... ) . I didn't want my status to be sentap but at the same time I really want to talk what's in my mind . Being honest about things is what I wanna be. Not being a lip tight girl that I used to be. But hey,be moderate in being honest . :)

I hope that by doing this posts,at least I want to let you guys know what's in my mind and why I'm being such this and that at social media.

Because honestly, I don't want to be like that. I don't

And what;s in my mind? Well,....

Regard

HanHanan

She keeps having dreams and she hates it .

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I go back to my childhood, and I found myself being me :)

( image courtesy of myself )

Assalamualaikum , yes it's 9.35 am and I've woke up 3 hours before that. After completing my prayer,I sit at the living room, wondering what to do.

And I found myself wondering abt something. And that is..... my childhood .

I remember once I'd been bashed with my teacher and friends because of some misunderstanding, and that's what makes me scared to talk,to express myself to people.

Once, people talked bad about me because they think I am ' anak bandar' or ' dak dak KL ' because I was born at KL ( but at that time I study at Pahang ).

I remember become so selfish that my friend used to avoid me at all costs,say bad things,spread mean things about me. I remember walking alone almost everyday.

I was used to it until now, I am okay walking alone. It's not as worst as u think it is.

I used to people said that " Hanan ni sombong " " Hanan ni itu " " Hanan ni ini " .... but at that time I admit . I AM SELFISH GIRL .

I didn't follow rules, I always do things on my own. I can be a bit bossy by ordered people do this and that.

And that's when, God hit me up. Damnn hard.

He send me HIS biggest TRIBULATION . That makes me cried for 3 months.... but that also makes me feel SMALLER . That has started a new habit in my life, QIAM .

I remember at that night, I cried because I am lost,I can't cried in front of my friends. I AM AFRAID.Instead I cried in front of HIM.

And after that, I had the most sweetest night ever. I can finally sleep . My life was a bit smoother.

And me? I tried my best to be the hanhanan that people would love. Ehh no!

The one that Allah's love :). And me myself love e'm.

That's when my classmates befriend with me, I got my humor ( never thought I am humorous before) , my teacher smiles at me and me?

Well I am me :) ( open dato' Vida song ehh )..

At least right now I am being myself,but a better version of me . I tried to follow orders, befriend with others. Not having any bad intentions towards others and thinking myself that I am indeed.... what Allah's want me to be.

I hope that I can be like this,ehh no. I can be better :). That's the aim.

And for the childhood memories, well it wasn't all bad actually. I did got some of the good ones :). But I decided it's the best to talk about the bad ones, so that I can remind myself.

NO MATTER WHAT, BE KIND AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND PEOPLE :).

That's it.

HanHanan

p/s : she loves to do 'lawak hambar ' right now :P

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