She writes

College's holiday is getting near and somehow, I can't wait to have my bro here, in Selangor.

He'll having his therapy at Cheras Rehabilitation Center and I can't wait for him to finally have fun,talk and improving himself.

You know,the past few years was a bleak years for our family. I need to take my bro's position as an eldest child ( and the responsibility came with it too ), I am no longer a big daddy's girl, no longer an adik or whatever you call. I thought myself to think like a sister. His needs is my priority and I have to think of others before myself.

For the first time, Ibu will respond to Ammar's need first before me. It happens many times, whether I'm at home or in a phone call with her. Abah will ask me what Ammar's want first instead of me ( usually food ) and abah always follow Ammar's command. If Ammar want to go to the park,they'll go ,if he doesn't then yeah we'll stay at home,watching Ammar's fav channel.

At first, it was hard for me to adjust ( and I'm still,now) but I told myself that Ammar endure the same thing when he was big brother. I try to comfort myself when mum's said that Ammar needs her and I try to stay strong despite I'm full of tears .

It's weird but yeah, from a childish crybaby HanHanan,I become an independent girl who'll have to face everything alone, by MYSELF.

I can't complain,grunt,angry,or yeah do something beside than being PATIENCE. Because Ammar's condition is worser than me. He can't TALK, he can't MOVE , he's being given the biggest test by HIM. The All Merciful.

I owe him my new self. Because of him, I learn to be patience,to be strong,to be an independent girl, I LEARN EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM.

So for that,here's a drawing of you Ammar. I can't draw you so I ask my friend to do this. I hope that this picture will remind you your old self. How you're such a good looking Ammar that everyone use to like ( and annoy by your annoying behavior ), this drawing will motivate and strengthen yourself to become better than your old self.Because dude,you're an awesome one. You just have to be confident in whatever you do man!

* aku bayo kot, kalau tak suka refund 2x ganda ehhh *

HanHanan

your adik,forever and always lah

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a bag full of natural goodness. Is it soo important?

Assalamualaikum and Hi ! . I am HanHanan and I'm 18. I'm a nature lover product *esp skincare*. I have an ultimately sensitive skin and once it connect with any chemical ingredients, my skin start to irritate me and I'll be getting acne 2x than usual.

Nowadays, I start to see a lot of local products that got a lot of HARSH and BAD chemical such as fragrance,paraben and such. Hey and there still a lot of people who consume it EVERYDAY. I mean, it just like you put BLEACH indirectly in your SKIN and it ABSORB those CHEMICAL.

You might think " ala takde pun""kulit saya okay je" and such but trust me,you'll be getting worse as you age . Your skin will damage and that time,even a surgery can't change your skin back to normal ( or maybe can but it's expensive ).

So why natural? because mostly natural product contain nature ingredients such as green tea,aloe,cucumber and such. Most of the cleanser are based on charcoal ( for oily),tea tree ( oily and combination),honey and many more . The toner will consist of two which is rose water or jasmine ( it depend on your natural local store. BUT AWAS, don't buy soo called natural products unless you know it's ingredient. But it's a bit tricky la.

For me,I'll see the product that contain paraban,fragrance,or any the so called harsh chemicals. You can also google to see top 10 chemical in skincare product . I usually google when I see weird name in the ingredients (plus,my skin will start to irritate as soon as I have a direct contact with the skincare ).

Soo.... what natural product that exist in Malaysia HanHanan? Well there's tooo many of em and one of it is Innisfree. Innisfree is a jeju based ingredient for almost all of their skincare . And this evening,I had a chance to visit em since I won the competition for makeup review at their facebook page

Soo,here's some of the photos inside their cute store located in IOI City Mall * forget which floor mehh*

And this is their cushion that got a lot of amazing and cute cushion cover :D * and they have a refill free promotion for this october*

They also got makeup so yeah,it's cool enough to spend your time here to search for your skincare+makeup

Their new product Jeju Seawater ampoule yada yada...*name too long mehh*

* you can wash your hand after 'playing' with their stuffs*

And as always,there'll be people who will say " mahal la""tak mampu". Okay ,I get it. If you guys can't,how about you make a DIY cleanser ,toner and many more. The cost is cheap and it's doable . Or you guys can also use local drug store such as watson and find for cetaphil,cosmoderm and such. It doesn't matter lah if it's not INNISFREE but make sure it's FREE from any HARSH and BAD CHEMICAL.

And last but not least,thanks to Innisfree for this beautiful Olympia Zagnoli beautiful palette.

I get to fill it with whatever I want and heyyy,this is what I want

The cover is beautiful

This may or may not be my last and first post about skincare since I don't really know what to write again about this and yeah,I'm not a suitable person you can ask for tips and tricks about skincare ( I suggest you follow farah dhukai for her awesome DIY recipe using natural ingredient ).

Assalamualaikum and bye :)

p/s: It's not about getting a whiter skin,but it's all about maintaining a healthy skin :). Plus sila minum air k

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"Best attention seekers ever "

You know,somehow I used to think about all those stuffs that makes me think that I'm a good person but eventually, I'm not

And being an attention seekers is what I do the best right now

And that's the biggest why on why I uninstall my other social life such as Facebook ( well I only uninstall that so ...yeaa)

The reason why is because I think that I'm an attention seekers.

For the past few months, I'd constantly updating my private life,making it unprivate by sharing on what's I'm doing and yada yada. I share my landscape photos so that others can compliment me , I put status so that there will be a lot of people who'll 'concern' and likes.

It's such a filthy intention and it really makes me mad at myself. Like how I used to wanting to gain followers at blog so that I feel like I'm at my top of the chain.

But hey,eventually those life are over . And now I'm back to basic. I got nobody's following me,I got to write what I want and I write not because I want others to think that I'm a good person,a skillful one and yada yada.

I know, not everyone would love to share this kind of truth but for me, it's a must. So that I can remind myself over and over when I get this feeling. This feeling of wanting to be at the center of attention. This feeling of

FAKE . PLASTIC . AND .... TEMPORARY HAPPINESS

I hope that I can find my purpose of wanting to chase a sunshine again. I want to renew my niat,so that it's not just because I NEED or DESPERATE for a LIKES. But because I REALLY WANT TO TAKE THOSE PICTURE. AND RELIEVING THOSE MOMENTS.

I'm sorry for those who befriend with me. I admit that I'm not what you think I am. Those beautiful sunrise that I show, maybe I just DESPERATE for some LIKES. Well I am indeed a desperate person . That's why I think it's the best to restart again my life.

Finding my PURPOSES of doing SUCH THING

Finding my TRUE HAPPINESS on why CHASING A SUN IS A BEST THING

Finding my OTHER HALF WHICH IS BASICALLY YES IT'S A SUN,AS USUAL ;)

I don't know when I'm gonna post and install my facebook but at least for now, let me just find myself first :). Because yeah, she realllly need to know her purpose and renew her intention.

NOT BECAUSE OF LIKES,NOT BECAUSE OF COMPLIMENT,NOT BECAUSE OF THOSE DAMN FAKE THINGS AGAIN.

BUT FOR MYSELF ;)

HanHanan

I'M SORRY

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Didn't know this is her at such a young age

Assalamualaikum ,

Well it's kinda a really looong time for me to write and such. I've got bunch of things to take care of since I'm at the end of this semester .

You know, I used to be a depressionist ( is that even a term?) . Well the good things is that I don't need med but yeah it's kinda hard to control a bit. You know like somehow you think you're a loser and the next thing is that you're being hyped up about something ?

I feel it. YES I DO.

And I don't feel ashamed or such to talk about this because in reality it's happening in this society and it's not a bad thing. It's not.

What's the difference between us and them >

Well idk man but maybe because we bottle up our feelings . We think that no one likes us for once and idk man.. It's hard to say

Like I can be poetic at one time and be a freak or idk man. It's still blur to me what's the difference between normal and being a depressionist . But I can say that it's reaaally different from what you think.

You might say " Alah,ni kes tak dekat dengan Allah ni" and such religious stuffs. LOL How funny.

You never know us or our deeds but your mouth talks louder than your action.

What's your action? MOCK? TALK?LAUGH? Well it's up to you. I don't care cause it doesn't matter much..The one who's having it is me and you're all talks .

And being depressionist, i put a status and the next thing is that I delete it. Now it's being indecisive hanhanan not depressionist ( I know but heyy.... ) . I didn't want my status to be sentap but at the same time I really want to talk what's in my mind . Being honest about things is what I wanna be. Not being a lip tight girl that I used to be. But hey,be moderate in being honest . :)

I hope that by doing this posts,at least I want to let you guys know what's in my mind and why I'm being such this and that at social media.

Because honestly, I don't want to be like that. I don't

And what;s in my mind? Well,....

Regard

HanHanan

She keeps having dreams and she hates it .

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I go back to my childhood, and I found myself being me :)

( image courtesy of myself )

Assalamualaikum , yes it's 9.35 am and I've woke up 3 hours before that. After completing my prayer,I sit at the living room, wondering what to do.

And I found myself wondering abt something. And that is..... my childhood .

I remember once I'd been bashed with my teacher and friends because of some misunderstanding, and that's what makes me scared to talk,to express myself to people.

Once, people talked bad about me because they think I am ' anak bandar' or ' dak dak KL ' because I was born at KL ( but at that time I study at Pahang ).

I remember become so selfish that my friend used to avoid me at all costs,say bad things,spread mean things about me. I remember walking alone almost everyday.

I was used to it until now, I am okay walking alone. It's not as worst as u think it is.

I used to people said that " Hanan ni sombong " " Hanan ni itu " " Hanan ni ini " .... but at that time I admit . I AM SELFISH GIRL .

I didn't follow rules, I always do things on my own. I can be a bit bossy by ordered people do this and that.

And that's when, God hit me up. Damnn hard.

He send me HIS biggest TRIBULATION . That makes me cried for 3 months.... but that also makes me feel SMALLER . That has started a new habit in my life, QIAM .

I remember at that night, I cried because I am lost,I can't cried in front of my friends. I AM AFRAID.Instead I cried in front of HIM.

And after that, I had the most sweetest night ever. I can finally sleep . My life was a bit smoother.

And me? I tried my best to be the hanhanan that people would love. Ehh no!

The one that Allah's love :). And me myself love e'm.

That's when my classmates befriend with me, I got my humor ( never thought I am humorous before) , my teacher smiles at me and me?

Well I am me :) ( open dato' Vida song ehh )..

At least right now I am being myself,but a better version of me . I tried to follow orders, befriend with others. Not having any bad intentions towards others and thinking myself that I am indeed.... what Allah's want me to be.

I hope that I can be like this,ehh no. I can be better :). That's the aim.

And for the childhood memories, well it wasn't all bad actually. I did got some of the good ones :). But I decided it's the best to talk about the bad ones, so that I can remind myself.

NO MATTER WHAT, BE KIND AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND PEOPLE :).

That's it.

HanHanan

p/s : she loves to do 'lawak hambar ' right now :P

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