She writes

Didn't know this is her at such a young age

Assalamualaikum ,

Well it's kinda a really looong time for me to write and such. I've got bunch of things to take care of since I'm at the end of this semester .

You know, I used to be a depressionist ( is that even a term?) . Well the good things is that I don't need med but yeah it's kinda hard to control a bit. You know like somehow you think you're a loser and the next thing is that you're being hyped up about something ?

I feel it. YES I DO.

And I don't feel ashamed or such to talk about this because in reality it's happening in this society and it's not a bad thing. It's not.

What's the difference between us and them >

Well idk man but maybe because we bottle up our feelings . We think that no one likes us for once and idk man.. It's hard to say

Like I can be poetic at one time and be a freak or idk man. It's still blur to me what's the difference between normal and being a depressionist . But I can say that it's reaaally different from what you think.

You might say " Alah,ni kes tak dekat dengan Allah ni" and such religious stuffs. LOL How funny.

You never know us or our deeds but your mouth talks louder than your action.

What's your action? MOCK? TALK?LAUGH? Well it's up to you. I don't care cause it doesn't matter much..The one who's having it is me and you're all talks .

And being depressionist, i put a status and the next thing is that I delete it. Now it's being indecisive hanhanan not depressionist ( I know but heyy.... ) . I didn't want my status to be sentap but at the same time I really want to talk what's in my mind . Being honest about things is what I wanna be. Not being a lip tight girl that I used to be. But hey,be moderate in being honest . :)

I hope that by doing this posts,at least I want to let you guys know what's in my mind and why I'm being such this and that at social media.

Because honestly, I don't want to be like that. I don't

And what;s in my mind? Well,....

Regard

HanHanan

She keeps having dreams and she hates it .

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I go back to my childhood, and I found myself being me :)

( image courtesy of myself )

Assalamualaikum , yes it's 9.35 am and I've woke up 3 hours before that. After completing my prayer,I sit at the living room, wondering what to do.

And I found myself wondering abt something. And that is..... my childhood .

I remember once I'd been bashed with my teacher and friends because of some misunderstanding, and that's what makes me scared to talk,to express myself to people.

Once, people talked bad about me because they think I am ' anak bandar' or ' dak dak KL ' because I was born at KL ( but at that time I study at Pahang ).

I remember become so selfish that my friend used to avoid me at all costs,say bad things,spread mean things about me. I remember walking alone almost everyday.

I was used to it until now, I am okay walking alone. It's not as worst as u think it is.

I used to people said that " Hanan ni sombong " " Hanan ni itu " " Hanan ni ini " .... but at that time I admit . I AM SELFISH GIRL .

I didn't follow rules, I always do things on my own. I can be a bit bossy by ordered people do this and that.

And that's when, God hit me up. Damnn hard.

He send me HIS biggest TRIBULATION . That makes me cried for 3 months.... but that also makes me feel SMALLER . That has started a new habit in my life, QIAM .

I remember at that night, I cried because I am lost,I can't cried in front of my friends. I AM AFRAID.Instead I cried in front of HIM.

And after that, I had the most sweetest night ever. I can finally sleep . My life was a bit smoother.

And me? I tried my best to be the hanhanan that people would love. Ehh no!

The one that Allah's love :). And me myself love e'm.

That's when my classmates befriend with me, I got my humor ( never thought I am humorous before) , my teacher smiles at me and me?

Well I am me :) ( open dato' Vida song ehh )..

At least right now I am being myself,but a better version of me . I tried to follow orders, befriend with others. Not having any bad intentions towards others and thinking myself that I am indeed.... what Allah's want me to be.

I hope that I can be like this,ehh no. I can be better :). That's the aim.

And for the childhood memories, well it wasn't all bad actually. I did got some of the good ones :). But I decided it's the best to talk about the bad ones, so that I can remind myself.

NO MATTER WHAT, BE KIND AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND PEOPLE :).

That's it.

HanHanan

p/s : she loves to do 'lawak hambar ' right now :P

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Allah did said in surah al Rad about a briefly life

“…as compared with the life of the hereafter, the life of this world is nothing but a brief passing enjoyment” (Quran, Ar-Rad: 26).

There was once I feel that I can’t cope with the world,and sometimes I feel and hope that my enjoyment would last. NO IT WON’T because the Lord said so.

For this past few weeks, I keep seeing post about Palestine and their situation . The situation was worse since the Israeli decide to shut Al Aqsa, placing a metal detectors and such things. It makes me feel sad and I feel kinda…. Idk guys.

But haa! This is where I think that I’m the one that’s in the sad situation not them. WHY?

Well first of all, I live in the temporary enjoyment here at Malaysia. Where I got nasi lemak, freedom, and a chance to learn and using the internet. This is the most hellish test, because if I fail on this test then I’m doom.

While the Palestinian continue to have a suffering life, they will be getting a permanent enjoyment at the akhirah. Their suffering, their lost,their grieving is all worth for one big prize… JANNAH.

See? Who’s more pitiful? Us or them? At least they make a spot at the Jannah while we don’t even know if the Lord himself will smile or frown when HE see us.

I don’t mean that you can’t continue to be sad about their situation or just be selfish, it just that I want you guys to not to think we’re the most suffering person in the world.

Well bendalah tu yang selalu aku rasa bila assignment aku takdapat nak buat. I’m not lying that’s what I feel. And it sucks I think the only way to avoid those kind of feelings is I compare myself to the Palestinian or other people who’s suffering the most.

Terkadang kita lupa, all the ni’mat and enjoyment wouldn’t last.This same goes to all of our trials,tests and tribulation. Insyallah it will all pass. We just have to keep believing in that and continue with our life . That’s how life’s goes.

In the end, the only permanent is the akhirah. So live for the akhirah and the world will be in your hands. How come? Well that’s for sure,is HIS secret. J

I would like to thanks Miss Farah from Into Taqwa for the live session at Al Aqsa’s mosque, it completely makes me feel like I’m not the one who suffers the most here.

They are others,and they shed their blood and tears for Jannah. How about you,hanhanan?

#thinkhananthink

HanHanan

She write when she’s bored

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