Being 18 was the most difficult phase I've ever been. Sometimes,I would listen to some kpop song and sometimes I prefer some indie band over a loud beats.

I also struggle with finding and searching the meaning of true happiness. I mean,what's the point of being rich and fab if you didn't find what you're looking for. And that's: true happiness.

At first,I thought being happy requires me to have a lots of friends. Suddenly I realized,then I must be unhappy because I don't have a large group of friends. But I thought to myself " But I feel full and not empty,why? I don't have lots of friends though "hmmm....

This is  when I start to find happiness in friend. I think that if I don't talk to friend at least once a day,I am not happy. I start defining my own happiness based on my relationship with friends.

And that's the worst mistake I've ever done in my 18 ( or maybe in my teen days )

But yeah, I started to get back on my track,knowing what's my purpose of life and happiness. In the end,I found what I want. Alhamdulillah *praise be to Allah*. Although I'm not fully feel full or idk,okay? ,at least I feel some kind of idk calm and yeah, I am myself again.

You know,you started to be yourself when you didn't depend on others for your happiness. And that's what I mostly do to myself right now and hopefully in my next life too * if there is a next life :P *.

I hang out less with people,and more with camera. I take joy in every time I click that shutter,and feel that kind of awesomeness and cool when my picture turns out to be better (?) and good  and if it's not, I'll come back again and again to try to take that shots until I feel like " Yesss I got this shot".

I feel joy when people comment and also critique my photos. I feel thrill when I'm thinking that I'm gonna be on the next adventure. I feel...ME (?).

So for the one who's still searching for happiness or something similar, find it in yourself. Search for it deeply and yes, ask HIM. Ask Allah for eternal happiness. Because that's what we as a muslim need to have . ETERNAL HAPPINESS.

Some scholar said " If you want eternal happiness,you also must be strong to face some tribulation,sweat,blood or even tears." and I hope you guys can face all of those tribulations,problems and possibly your fear into finding your happiness.

I may found mine,but I know it's not temporary. Although it's not,at least I found reasons to live,or reasons to be happy. Which is to be grateful for small things that happen :).

So yeah,that's it. I hope that the people who'll be watching this would found what you're looking for. Although it might takes some time,but please don't feel despair . For we belong to Him and to Him we will return.

HanHanan
I may not be the happiest person you've ever known but still,I'm grateful for small things that He give :)