I go back to my childhood, and I found myself being me :)

( image courtesy of myself )

Assalamualaikum , yes it's 9.35 am and I've woke up 3 hours before that. After completing my prayer,I sit at the living room, wondering what to do.

And I found myself wondering abt something. And that is..... my childhood .

I remember once I'd been bashed with my teacher and friends because of some misunderstanding, and that's what makes me scared to talk,to express myself to people.

Once, people talked bad about me because they think I am ' anak bandar' or ' dak dak KL ' because I was born at KL ( but at that time I study at Pahang ). 

I remember become so selfish that my friend used to avoid me at all costs,say bad things,spread mean things about me. I remember walking alone almost everyday.

I was used to it until now, I am okay walking alone. It's not as worst as u think it is.

I used to people said that " Hanan ni sombong " " Hanan ni itu " " Hanan ni ini " .... but at that time I admit . I AM SELFISH GIRL .

I didn't follow rules, I always do things on my own. I can be a bit bossy by ordered people do this and that. 

And that's when, God hit me up. Damnn hard.

He send me HIS biggest TRIBULATION . That makes me cried for 3 months.... but that also makes me feel SMALLER .  That has started a new habit in my life, QIAM .

I remember at that night, I cried because I am lost,I can't cried in front of my friends. I AM AFRAID.Instead I cried in front of HIM.

And after that, I had the most sweetest night ever. I can finally sleep . My life was a bit smoother.

And me? I tried my best to be the hanhanan that people would love. Ehh no!

The one that Allah's love :). And me myself love e'm.

That's when my classmates befriend with me, I got my humor ( never thought I am humorous before) , my teacher smiles at me and me? 

Well I am me :) ( open dato' Vida song ehh )..

At least right now I am being myself,but a better version of me . I tried to follow orders, befriend with others. Not having any bad intentions towards others and thinking myself that I am indeed.... what Allah's want me to be.

I hope that I can be like this,ehh no. I can be better :). That's the aim.

And for the childhood memories, well it wasn't all bad actually. I did got some of the good ones :). But I decided it's the best to talk about the bad ones, so that I can remind myself.

NO MATTER WHAT, BE KIND AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND PEOPLE :).

That's it.

HanHanan

p/s : she loves to do 'lawak hambar ' right now :P